


i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

by wintersend



Series: prompt fills [6]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, TW: syringes, Violence, not graphic at all but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersend/pseuds/wintersend
Summary: “There’s a syringe on the table, it’ll knock you out for a few hours,” the man tells him, nodding with his head. “Go and inject yourself with it. No sudden movements,” he emphasizes, pressing the blaster harder against Jyn’s temple. Cassian's eyes catch hers for a second, – she looksmurderous– and then he’s looking away.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Series: prompt fills [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738453
Comments: 14
Kudos: 85





	i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “Take one more step and I snap her pretty little neck.”

Cassian steps into the seedy motel room cautiously, his eyes trained on the man holding a blaster to Jyn’s face. He’s a human in his forties, his hair short and spiky, his clothes worn and tattered. There’s something unsavory in his eyes that would have set Cassian on edge even if he wasn’t holding his partner hostage. This is not a man to play around with, Cassian decides, because he _will_ shoot.

“There you are,” the man says, his voice delighted as if they were old friends meeting again. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

This is about him, then. A bounty hunter? Someone out for revenge?

Cassian’s eyes sweep the room, looking for opportunities, but he doesn’t make any hasty movements, much too aware of the blaster pressed against Jyn’s temple. Stay calm, stay collected, stay professional. He’s always been good at compartmentalizing, and now all he focuses on is the stranger watching him with a greedy grin. There’s a syringe on the table but Cassian ignores that for now. _Could they escape through the window?_

“Drop your weapons,” the man tells him, and Cassian obeys, slowly putting down his blaster and removing two vibroblades from his breast pocket and his pants. He kicks them in the man’s direction.

“All of them,” the man says, and Cassian gets rid of another two blades from his boots.

“That’s all of them,” he speaks at last, even though he does have one more vibro-shiv tucked inside his right sleeve.

“Good. Now stand up. _Careful._ Take one more step and I snap her pretty little neck.”

Cassian keeps himself from grimacing, unwilling to give this man an ounce of leverage. It was only a small step forward, disguised as him straightening up, but the man is clearly not a rookie who wouldn’t pick up on it. He had to be careful here.

“Let her go,” Cassian says, his voice even. It’s a long shot but he has to try.

Jyn hasn’t said a thing yet and he tries not to look at her face. He thinks if he did look, she’d be more pissed than scared. Of course she would be, his fearless Jyn. But he couldn’t look at her – he had to be in control.

“Yeah, sure. As soon as I have you.” A nasty grin lights up his face; Cassian could see his yellowing teeth. “You’re gonna make me rich, rebel scum.”

A bounty hunter then. It isn’t Cassian’s first time dealing with one – but it’s the first time they try to use someone else against him. It’s the first time he cares about anyone enough that it might work.

“There’s a syringe on the table, it’ll knock you out for a few hours,” the man tells him, nodding with his head. “Go and inject yourself with it. No sudden movements,” he emphasizes, pressing the blaster harder against Jyn’s temple. Cassian's eyes catch hers for a second, – she looks _murderous_ – and then he’s looking away.

He hesitates. Even if he does what the guy wants, there’s no guarantee he’d keep Jyn alive afterward. In fact, the chances of him not wanting to risk Jyn coming after them – and she would, Cassian knows this as he knows his own name – are rather high. He’s going to shoot her anyway.

_He has to get her out of this somehow._

“Let her go first, and I swear I’ll go willingly.”

“ _Cassian,_ ” Jyn speaks up for the first time, her voice a warning and a plea at the same time. She’s begging him not to do it, but he can’t risk her life.

“Do you think I’m dumb?” the guy asks, and unfortunately no, Cassian doesn’t. It would be easier if he was.

“Do you think I am? You’ll kill her as soon as I’m unconscious.”

“Just fucking do it or I blow out her brains now,” the man growls, his grip on Jyn’s arm tightening. Cassian wants to tear his arm off for even daring to touch her, but instead, he clenches his jaw and steps towards the table.

He eyes the syringe. Injecting yourself with an unknown substance is the most idiotic mistake he could think of. No sane person would even consider it. But the alternative is Jyn dying and that… is not acceptable.

“Cassian, don’t,” Jyn begs him again, her voice holding a hint of desperation now, and he’s sorry, so fucking sorry, but he presses the needle to his arm and pushes it into his vein anyway.

It could be poison, he muses, but he doubts it. An intelligence officer is useless dead. They’d want to question him first. It’s most likely just a sedative that’ll knock him out for a few hours while the bounty hunter hands him over to the authorities.

Briefly, he thinks about the small pill hidden in his breast pocket. Not yet. He isn’t ready to give up yet, not with Jyn watching.

As soon as the syringe is empty, Cassian feels his limbs becoming heavier. _Jyn. Force. I’m so sorry._ He stumbles a bit, grabbing the edge of the table for support before falling to his knees. His eyes find Jyn’s at last, and she’s watching him in fear, her face filled with sorrow. _Please let her go._

“Jyn,” he gasps, voice weak, and it seems to trigger her anger as she turns her head towards her captor, hissing in his face.

“I’ll find you, you hear me? I won’t stop until I find you no matter what you do, no matter where you go – you won’t have a moment of peace! I’ll hunt you down!”

 _Stop it,_ he thinks, his brain fuzzy and his vision blurring. _Don’t make him kill you._

He can see the man’s eyes clouding with anger, his grip loosening on her arm as he takes a step closer and waves the blaster in her face, and that’s all it takes.

Jyn takes a wild chance by slamming her elbow into his stomach, but it works – he doubles over and she catches his blaster. Her fingers are on the trigger in a millisecond, and she aims for the head. The man falls to the floor with a thud, and Cassian can see blood splatter on Jyn’s face through his blurry vision.

She runs to him without stopping to wipe it off, gathering him up in her arms. He thinks he’s going to pass out soon but he gathers up enough energy to breathe out her name as she checks his pulse and strokes his hair.

“We have to go. There could be others,” she murmurs to him, voice gentle and still so terrified.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, then everything goes black.

* * *

Cassian wakes up lying on his cot in hyperspace, long gone from that cursed planet they left behind. He doesn’t question how Jyn managed to get him back to the ship by herself; she was nothing if not determined and resourceful. She would have carried him back herself is she had to.

He stands up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. Whatever was in his system, it leaves him still weak in the legs, his head pounding like a hammer. The mission is a bust – it might have been from the start if his informant is the one who sold him out to that bounty hunter – but he strangely doesn’t care about that right now. There’ll be time to care later when they’re back on base. Now he just wants to find Jyn.

On unsteady legs, he makes his way to the cockpit where Jyn is sitting, idly watching the stars outside. She’s not the greatest pilot in the world but he taught her just enough to be able to get herself back to base if he was ever not with her or otherwise incapacitated. With their luck, he knew it would come in handy someday, and now it has.

She turns to look at him when she hears his footsteps, clumsier than usual, and he gives her a soft smile. “Hey.”

She stares in silence, then looks away.

“Hey. We’re still four hours away from base. You’ve been out for ten. Are you okay?” She says all this in a monotone tone that almost reminds him of himself. He watches her face before answering, noting the taut line of her jaw, the tension in her shoulders, the straight line of her lips.

“My head is pounding,” he answers honestly. They have a deal about being honest with injuries. “And my legs feel a little shaky. I think I’m fine otherwise.”

She nods once, her voice still very even. “Good.”

He sits down next to her, watching her face as she watches the stars. He can’t get a feel of why she’s angry yet. At him for injecting himself? At the bounty hunter who outplayed them both? At herself for – in her mind – failing him? He decides to prod her a bit.

“Are _you_ okay?”

“Fine.”

He’s silent for a moment, deciding his best approach. “What happened?” he asks in the end, choosing not to push her just yet.

Her eyes close briefly and her mouth twists – a small sign of anger.

“He was waiting in the room. Caught me off-guard. He was _lucky_ , nothing more.”

So she _is_ angry at herself. He could hear it in her voice; the frustration and contempt. She believes it was her mistake, that she shouldn’t have been overpowered like that. But they’re all just human and they all make mistakes.

“Somehow, he knew he could use me against you,” she adds after a second, her voice quieter and… sorrowful. Cassian frowns. “And you _let_ him.”

There it is. Her words are an accusation, and he’s not too surprised. She’s angry at him too. He takes a deep breath, looking out the window for a second. Trying to compose himself and his thoughts.

“We’re fine now,” he says simply. Jyn’s head snaps towards him and he turns back to her. She’s furious, a fire in her eyes as she glares at him. He looks back at her calmly, unintimidated.

“You injected yourself with something we don’t even know and then you weren’t waking up –”

“There was a bigger chance of him letting you go if I complied –”

“So I’m your weakness now?” she cuts in, her voice rising in indignation and disbelief. “I don’t want to be used against you, _ever_.”

She looks upset but clearly still holding back from feeling her true emotions – which was not anger but fear. Cassian fights the urge to take her into his arms and soothe all her worries with touch alone; he needs to say this, she needs to hear it.

“Jyn,” he begins slowly, his tone serious, “loving you is not a weakness. It never could be.”

“It was today,” she breathes out, her shoulders sagging as a cloudy expression overtakes her face. Cassian can’t help himself anymore. He pulls her into his arms and she goes willingly. She buries her face in his shoulder, her breathing shaky as she finally lets herself go. A few minutes pass in silence, Cassian gently rubbing her back just to let her know that he’s here.

“I was scared,” she admits once she gets her breathing under control, her voice barely audible. “I didn’t want to be the reason you were captured.”

“He had a blaster to your head,” Cassian says, the memory of it seared into his brain. He didn’t want to dwell on it too much then, but now that it’s over, he knows the sight will haunt him for a while to come. “I’m always gonna choose you.”

He pulls away to look at her, carding his fingers through her hair as she stares up at him with sad green eyes.

“Maybe that’s a weakness in a way.” He strokes a finger down her cheek, flicking her chin with a gentle smile. It earns him a tiny quirk of her lips and he’ll take that as a win. “But it’s also my strength.”

She looks at him for a while, contemplating, her big green eyes seeing right through his soul. Eventually, she puts her head back on his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist as she clings to him like a loth-cat. He holds her just as tightly, his chin falling on her shoulder.

“You’ll always be my strength, Jyn.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure how to finish this because I'm not sure there's a clear resolution to their dilemma. On one hand, Jyn is right, their love can be a weakness if it's used against them. On the other hand, Cassian is right too, it's also their strength. I set out trying to find an answer to this, trying to explore what they would do for each other and what would happen if they were used against each other and how would the other feel about being used like that... but I don't think I ended up resolving anything. If you have any insight on this, I'd love to hear your opinions!
> 
> Thanks for reading! As always, you can find me on [tumblr](https://captainandors.tumblr.com/)


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